Little Johnny

If you're a regular reader of my blog then you'd know I, sometimes, post about the interesting e-mails my mother sends me. For more on this topic please read God Vs. Science and What the Peck?!

Anyway, after almost 4 days, I opened my inbox today and as expected, mommy sent me a few and one of them is too hilarious not to be passed on. If you're the conservative type then please leave. Else go on you shameless lot and enjoy!

It was Friday morning and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called "Add to the picture". The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture. The teacher called on James to start things off.

James returned to his seat. The teacher called on Ernie next.

Ernie returned to his seat. Now it was Suzy's turn.

Suzy returned to her seat. Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.

Jerry returned to his seat. Kim was called to the board.

Kim returned to her seat. About this time Little Johnny began waving his arm. The teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, and thinking there was no way Little Johnny could do anything to make this picture dirty, called little Johnny forward.

The class erupted with laughter...and the teacher fainted.

Continue Reading - Little Johnny

It's Not A Complaint...Or Maybe It Is...

Internet.

The bane of my existence.

According to hubby, of course.

I’m officially a web junkie. Everybody who knows me knows that.

It all started in London. My love affair with the web.

In my teens, it was a fascination and definitely a luxury.

In my early 20s, it was a means to keep in touch and flirt with or without consequences. (That’s another post in and by itself.)

And then there was the easy and cheap access to broadband. It kind of opened my eyes to a different world. A digital world. A world of bytes and pixels. A world full of virtual possibilities.

In my mid 20s, it became a source for free stuff. Yes you guessed right! Porn. Music downloads.Besides pushing the network connectivity up by a notch or rather notches, it also shoved my complete attention towards the web. And its social-oriented extras.

Now in my late 20s, I’m ‘logged in’ on the World Wide Web 25/24! A full-fledged addiction fed by even faster electronic network.

Moving to St. Vincent was rather a quick and easy decision for me. Because I know the internet providers over here boast of running, across the whole country, almost similar communications infrastructure as those in the UK and the US. Not to mention the connection speed. Fast connection speed. At a reasonable price. A price any decent household can afford. I won’t deny it. That was one of the main criteria for me to settle down here.

Whereas Mauritius, home sweet home, sucks. As far as the online network goes and doesn’t go! A virtual shame. I always tell hubby if Mauritians had the same internet facilities we have here you’d bet your sweet cheeks that even people up in Alaska would know where Mauritius is! And what is Mauritius! Mauritians would give some Indians/British/Americans a run for their money. We would re-define the meaning of geek. Our potential for greatness would shine through and blind a few in the passing. (Oh my I think I’m overdoing it! But hey I love us Mauritians.)

Vincentians are capable to find their own share of virtual glory. It can and will eventually benefit the country on a larger scale. But the government does not encourage or provide the necessities to achieve such positive development. There are not many web designers in the country. Nor many programmers. The IT industry hasn’t been exploited yet. It sadly reminds me of a 10-years-ago Mauritius. The SMS culture is still ‘en vigeur’ here. Mobile phone users can afford data plans but yet there’s only a few who would actually use it.

Mauritians use Twitter more than the Vincentians. And yet it’d cost a Vincentian less than what an average Mauritian has to spend on internet charges. The amount of websites created by and for Mauritians surpasses the number of Vincentians’ websites.

The local government needs to step up their game because they are the cause and the cure.

Right now, I’ve lost the initial plot of the blog so I’ll stop before it gets too lengthy.

And one last thing, I love both countries, Mauritius and St Vincent. I was just comparing, which is acceptable in my case. Don’t ya think?! ;)

Continue Reading - It's Not A Complaint...Or Maybe It Is...

Reader's Block

I don’t work. I don’t cook. I don’t clean. Well I do clean my bedroom and en-suite. The rest is taken care of. I have zilch to do. It’s paradise, ain’t it? I know most of you would envy me. Let’s not forget the beautiful weather and the sea breeze. All I need is a hammock and I’m all set for a good and ‘fat’ life.

If anyone, a year ago, were to tell me that’s how I’d be spending almost 10 – and counting - months I’d first say: “Oh is that possible? Can I really do that?” and then I’d start to think of WHAT to do. Being a bookworm I’d surely make a list of the books I’d be reading, the amount of time I’d be sitting in front of the TV and the hours I’d be in bed sleeping.

Now that was when all I was using the internet for was watching movies, facebooking, chatting and looking for free e-books online.

I sparsely twittered and blogged then. Not until I came down here. Equipped with a laptop and connected wirelessly, you’re bound to carry it everywhere in the premises. In that case, you bet your laborious fingers I’d be clicking more than I intended to. Not to mention with the up-rise of Twitter and blogging on the social media scene I’d get caught up too.

Going on the 10^th month and several pounds after, I can’t remember the last book I read. I remember asking hubby to take me to the local library so that I can find something else to do other than ‘clicking away’. He never did! His excuse was, which is every driver’s worst nightmare, parking! According to him the library is located in a compromising (hmmpphh!!) location and it’s difficult to find any nearby space to station his car. For months I was on his case like ‘white on rice’. He kept ‘postponing’ it. I should admit though, I gave up after a while. I had to. Willingly.

Because, then, something shifted. Something wormed its way into my lazy brain. Something called reader’s block. I’ve heard of it but never endured it myself. It took me by surprise.

I don’t know what caused it but I simply can’t sit down and read a good book. My focus has shifted. Big time. On to pastures new. Like blogging. Or reading blogs. Reading meaningless tweets.

For how long will I have to suffer this reader’s block? Why is it happening to me now? When all I need is a hammock and a good book?!

I don’t want to pick up a book and put it back on the shelf. I want to read a book. I want to feel the excitement I used to feel when I see a book.

Once a book slut, now a blog slut...

How do I go back to being a book whore?

Continue Reading - Reader's Block

Shortest Trip Ever

Enjoy the pics I managed to take from the craft! It's better than nothing.

SKYVIEW on PhotoPeach

Continue Reading - Shortest Trip Ever

Stupid...

Reality TV Shows.

Especially those where fools want to find the love of their life.

I hate all of them, except Tool Academy. Not that it's my one of my favourite TV shows. The only reason I like it is because I get to see how the nominated boyfriends make an ass of themselves on national TV! What a laugh.

As loathsome and pathetic as most of the shows are, I can't help watching. My eyes are glued. To the TV of course.

Real & Chance, Ray J, Brett Michaels, and now My Anthony - by the way I no longer like him -; just to name a few.

How can they be so stupid? How can you find love like that? I firmly believe it's all a ploy to get free publicity and 'revive' a dead career.

And what about the women who actually register for these kind of programmes?! Some of them profess to be degree holders or have a high profile job or own the enormous pair of boobs...and still they want to find love on a reality TV show! Oh please...! Cut out the crap. Free publicity is what it damn is!

I have watched a couple of My Anthony's episodes and it hit me how similiar, at least physically, the women are. On all the shows. I had a huge crush on Anthony in my teens but now he disgusts me. His taste in women really sucks!

Now I can watch Steve Ward's Tough Love. It portrays a semblance of reality and you learn a few things from Steve himself and his mother. And Tool Academy too! You I can relate to some of the women and their woes.

No longer an avid fan of Jon & Kate Plus 8 - but I'm still on Kate's side! LOL

So what are my favourite TV Shows?

1. Dexter

2. NCIS (Looking forward to NCIS L.A and drooling all over LL Cool J!)

3. Heroes

4. Dark Blue

5. SVU

What are yours?

Continue Reading - Stupid...

A Ridi-Effing-Culous Friday!

Today was supposed to be an exciting day. The excitement was supposed to last 'til Sunday. I was supposed to be in Barbados right now, having my legs waxed and then lounging by the pool. I was supposed to be sleeping in an unknown bed tonight. I was supposed to buy a movie ticket for tonight. I was supposed to miss hubby right now. I was supposed to look forward to some strange hands pounding on my bare back. I'm supposing that I should no longer suppose since I'm back in St Vincent!!

What the hell happened?!

Well apparently because I do not have a return ticket to Mauritius since I hold a Mauritian passport, Barbados CANNOT accept my entry. I do have a return ticket to St Vincent and out of St Vincent again by sometime next year. But -A BIG FRIGGIN BUT - the Barbadian Immigration wouldn't accept it. According to the Immigration Officer - a stupid one might I add because he looked lost - I'm not allowed in. He didn't even check my tickets when he saw my Mauritian passport. I wonder if he's ever heard of Mauritius or know where exactly where it's located? He took me to his supervisor, who was blatantly cussing a Chinese or Japanese for getting lost. Her exact words were, "What are you doing there? Who told you to go there?You are so annoying!"

I knew then she would be trouble which proved to be right a couple of minutes later. She wouldn't even let me talk! She was so abrupt and her decision definitive. By then I was red with rage and ready to throttle her neck. To add insult to injury, one of her minions told me to switch my phone off. I looked at her with murderous eyes and told her it's on airplane mode. She said, "You have to switch your phone off!" And again I said, "It's on airplane mode!!" and she looked at me as if I'm speaking Latin. I rolled my eyes at her and plainly ignored her. I was then told to wait for someone to escort me to the departure lounge where I'll board the flight bound to St Vincent.

I was like 'alright you bitches, I'll turn my phone back to "normal mode"! Just then hubby called and I picked up. Another minion of the wretched and rude supervisor told me that I can't use my phone which I ignored again and kept talking to hubby. Minutes later I was taken to the boarding lounge where the immigration officer got into a fight with the control officer. Over my luggage. They were going back and forth on whose responsibility it was to claim back my suitcase. I then let go of my anger and told the Immigration officer what I think of him and his lack of customer service skills. My phone rang again. I picked up the call with him 'warning me' in the background. I unabashedly tuned him out. Fuckers!

Now reaching back to St Vincent, my luggage got lost. Within the hour. The clueless Liat employees can't tell me where my valise is or when will I get it back...or if I'll get it back! I had to sign on a piece of paper and I'll be informed of forthcoming updates. Another pain up my backside.

I can't even upload the pictures I took from the craft as the USB cables for my phone and camera are in my suitcase.

So instead of enjoying a good Friday, I'm back home, waiting on my pizza...

Continue Reading - A Ridi-Effing-Culous Friday!

Ain't No Other

Thursday morning and I can already feel the Friday buzz. This morning the sound of a light drizzle gently woke me up. And the first thought that crossed my mind was, “Where is hubby?” Followed by “Is it Friday today? Of course not! It’s Thursday and I can’t hear hubby’s usual clickety-clackety (he checks his Facebook account first thing in the morning) or his hoarse whisper he usually adopts for his morning telephone conversations. Where is he?!”

Thoughts still processing...

“What time is it? Should I linger for another 10 minutes in bed? Maybe he’ll come and rain kisses on me? Should I brush my teeth first and shower or shower first and then brush my teeth? I pray the day will bring no unpleasant and unexpected surprises. Should I write another blog today? What will I blog about? What CAN I blog about? Who should I blog about...?”

Then I hear him. Hubby is here. On the phone. “Who he talking to? Anyway time for me to get up. Shower. Brush my teeth. Face him. Should I ask who was he on the phone with? Nah.”

10 minutes later, freshly bathed with my mint-scented mouth, I find him and “Who was that? On the phone?”

To which he would mumble some gibberish. Which ever way, I’m already on my way to Vex Town.

NOT TODAY THOUGH.

He didn’t have time, or plainly didn’t want to explain things to me and suffer another interrogation, and rushed to his father’s side.

Another 30 minutes or so, the explanation for his behaviour walked through. A 17-year-old boy. Needless to say it piqued my curiosity. And the first thing I did was to seek any resemblance between the boy and hubby. (Here goes my hyped-up imagination again!)

After all excitement – on my behalf only – died down, my mind started registering the actual words coming out from the 17-year-old boy’s mouth. He is destitute and hubby is helping him out. That’s why he is here sitting down in the porch.

It was a like light bulb gone off in my head! Plus a sigh of relief!! A topic for my blog. Yay! But after listening to his story – and oh! he is not 17 but 20 years old – I decided not to write about his sad story. It is HIS story. All that is needed to know is that he needs help. Our help. Hubby’s help.

I know hubby would do the right thing. He made me proud today. Again. And the love I have for him? Just more than quadrupled...it multiplied a thousandfold. You may call my hubby any names under the sun but a heartless soul he is not.

Like Kelly Clarkson so aptly sang: My life would suck without you J!

Continue Reading - Ain't No Other

A Sincere Apology

I know I said I wouldn't spend much time online because all I seemed - and still seem to do - is to browse/surf the net. Even my neighbor has noticed and made it her business to run her mouth on my activities. Not that I care but it just rubbed me the wrong way. Especially when she is trying to let everyone knows what I'm up to. Not that they care either. Anyhow, whatever her grudge be, it rattled my cage and I went back to my old routine. Wake up, bathe, breakfast, internet, eat, bathe, internet, TV, internet, bathe, sleep. Now I wouldn't even budge to pee. Unless it becomes pressing. (Hubby if you're reading this then you know I'm lying right? LOL)

Oh yes! Apology. A big and sincere one. For changing Blogger templates for the umpteenth time. BTC (Blogger Template Crisis) and PMS knock my hormones around every month.

So now you know.

Off I go again...for a well-deserved shower.

Continue Reading - A Sincere Apology

One Sentence...

That said it all...

Hubby has been reading my blog and he was so touched by some of the posts and he told me something which made my day...or night...or life!

If I tell you I love you I'd be falling short of my true feelings for you...

Nuff said...

Continue Reading - One Sentence...

English Moaner

I'm a bit skeptic to write about what I'm about to write but what the heck! After posting Accents it triggered my memory and transported me to one episode which took place, around 3 years ago, on a lazy afternoon, amongst myself and 4 ex-colleagues.

Normally we wouldn't shy away from any topic and this afternoon was no different. Before I continue please meet R, B, P, N. N was the non-Mauritian one.

The conversation started with our current relationships and somehow we reached to the moaning-and-screaming-during-sex part. Now if you ask me it never crossed my mind that being with an English speaker I moan in English. Which didn't escape the attention of my so kind friends. They happily pointed it out to me that I'm an 'English-moaner'; if such a word does exist. To be honest I've never ever thought about it! And of course they put me on the spot! They were prying open my private and intimate moments - shamelessly might I add - like a skilful surgeon treating a bleeding wound. I was being bombarded with questions. Oh! I had to even 'English-moan' for them. I was blushing so hard I thought my cheeks would burst. The conversation was so raunchy even P, the conservative one, was blushing. R and B were, then, veterans. Until I catch up with them! LOL

Anyway long story short, they had a good laugh. At my friggin' expense!

But hey I don't deny it felt uncomfortable, initially, to moan in English but I got used to it! And now thinking about moaning in French/Creole - which is hubby's fantasy (keep it hush hush y'all) - sounds so outlandish to me. Weird since I started with French moans.

Which brings me to this: Are you a moaner or screamer?

I'm not asking for you to blab about your sex life. I'm just being curious. That's all.

One Love...

Continue Reading - English Moaner

Accents

Being a Mauritian and bilingual bring multiple benefits to me, especially when I'm living somewhere else. For almost ten years I haven't spoken French, minus three brief months when I was on holidays and working for a call center managed by some French people. During the first few years I came across a few stumbling blocks. Being in London made me want to blend in so bad that I would listen hard and start to 'think in English'.

Speaking English fluently was the most important thing for me back then. I became so good that many Brits/English folks would think I was born in England. Which pleased me. (I hated being discriminated because of my accent!) And which upset hubby. He loves my French accent despite being told, many times, that I do not possess a French accent, it's a Creole accent! He would reply with a 'whatever I like it and do not talk to me with that English accent!' But I couldn't help it. And so it stuck to me. Like glue. Superglue.

And now I'm beginning to hate it. Why? Because, before my 'linguistic appeal got pawned' (attempting a geekish smile...very ish) I couldn't bear listening to non-French speakers 'englifying' French words. Like 'la creme de la creme' is 'la cream de la cream'. Or the futile use of 'passé' when the English language provides you with many options - outdated, old fashioned, outworn etc. My mind just can't register the use/pronunciation of French words by English speakers, period.

My severe dislike for such practice was, after a while, rudely brought to surface. By me. A not-so-ahh moment. A self-loathing moment. 2 days ago, while talking to hubby about something, I said 'la cream de la cream'!!! The sheer normalcy of it all made me cringe. It still does. I've been converted. Of course hubby laughed at me. I used to laugh at him too. It was payback time. I had to join in the mirth eventually because I was so embarrassed. But it sure shook me.

So I thought of going back to my Mauritian accent. It'll keep hubby happy and stop me from further self-embarrassment. Or I'll adopt the Vincy accent. That'd be a laugh. Guaranteed.

Continue Reading - Accents

Moody Monday

I've never liked Monday, whether I'm working or not. It always makes me feel edgy for unexplained reasons.

Last night was great. Hubby and I watched Dexter, 2 re-run episodes back to back, and NCIS. I don't remember falling asleep but I woke up with kisses falling on me face. Which should have set the pattern for today. But no it ain't gon be like that. Instead of kisses falling, it's raining. Hard. Which, kinda raising my hackles up. The rain is supposed to consume the heat into nothingness right? Everything looks still. Not one goddammit breeze. My fan is spurting futilely. I'm smelling like a fat sweaty baby and a cold shower proved to be another fruitless attempt to lower my body temperature.

Oh Mother Nature! Please spare me! I promise I will painfully look for bins next time before I dump anything.

No more oven-like heat...

Continue Reading - Moody Monday

Latest Update

I've reached a decision - not so painful but it pinches my heart a bit.

I'll no longer be a regular blogger. I've been spending too much time online lately. I need to focus more on my social life and relationship.

That doesn't mean I'll stop blogging but I'll dedicate a few hours everyday for my online activities. Stop by from time to time...

If you need to reach me you know what to do!

:)

Continue Reading - Latest Update

Islanders Lounge

Sign up on Islanders Lounge!

Continue Reading - Islanders Lounge

What Would I Tell Myself 10 Years Ago?

Well I'm assuming that by the time I finish writing this post someone would really think about building a time machine.

And it's bare postulation: If I can talk to myself 10 years ago what would I advise my own self?

1. Listen to Mum & Dad. They know what they're talking about.

2. X is not the one so do not go and meet him. It's a ploy. It'll end up badly.

3. Stay away from HER. Her jealousy would cost you your parents' trust.

4. Do not tell everybody your business.

5. You shouldn't kiss _____! It would mess up both of y'all...initially.

6. Keep in touch with your good friends.

7. Do not trust HIM. He's the same as the OTHER one.

8. Focus on your studies as it represents the foundation of your future.

9. Do not cheat in C++/C exams. You'd get caught.

10. You'll meet THE one in the next four years or so.

11. Make sure you do NOT shirk any of your responsibilities.

12. Learn to stand on your own two feet.

13. Keep some cards close to your chest because not everyone is to be trusted.

14. Acknowledge your intuition. Especially in 2006.

15. Listen to D and J. The addiction would worsen.

16. Always tell the truth, however hard it'd be.

17. Do not quit THAT job. It'd sustain you for a longer period.

19. Really, not all that glitters is gold.

20. Career first then long-term commitment.

*sighs*

I've got only 20 for now...what about you? Any thoughts?

Continue Reading - What Would I Tell Myself 10 Years Ago?

Midnight One Liners!

It's 1.05 a.m. and I can't go BACK to sleep!

I was sleeping so peacefully before I was awakened by hubby.

It took me 5 seconds to log on in Blogger.

My head's filled up with clouds (?!)

TV is always crap on late Friday night.

Plus, the mosquitoes have become fearless, bug sprays and a fan at full speed strangely make them into despising relentless creatures.

Crickets are chirping their own ears off.

One of the dogs, who was sick passed away Friday morning.

3 days before he passed away he was moaning like a bitch and there I was, thinking he was horny.

I'm hoping by writing these one-liners my eyelids would droop closed but it seems to me that the crickets are sitting next to me ears chirping away and louder by the minute.

Probably when I wake up in the morning - 7 hours from now - I'll be regretting this post!

So off I go, seeking virtual pleasures at ungodly hours...

Continue Reading - Midnight One Liners!

Musing...

About how some people keep repeating the same stories, within a short period of time, with no recollection of doing/saying so in the first place?

It sure is a rolling-eyes moment for me. They'll take great delight in adding snippets which were not told the first time. And out of courtesy you have to nod at the right time and pretend that you're hearing the juicy news for the first time ever!

Ugghh...

Continue Reading - Musing...

September...

I've always liked the months of September and October. My sis' birthday is in 28 days and mine in 43 days!

I also love birthday cakes, but not cutting it in front of dozens of smiling faces. I tend to feel shy when I'm in the spotlight, whether I deserve it or not.

And of course, September represents the beginning of Summer in the tropical countries. A long-awaited summer. When the trees will bloom again for another bountiful - hopefully - season. I'm so looking forward to devour some juicy wax apples.

I'll have the weather on my side now, so hubby can't give me all sorts of excuses not to go to the beach. (Hmmmppphhh!)

Well I'm ready for Summer...just need to shed a few pounds so my bikini line can be visible! :)

Are you ready?!

Continue Reading - September...